Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Rerun: Things We Never Imagined Ourselves Saying

Before we had children, that is. Here's a repost from 2006:  



* Get your feet off the celery.

* Don't lick me.

* The corkscrew is not a toy.

* Don't shoot at the Pentecostals.

* Don't shoot at the neighbors.

* Don't shoot at your sister.

* The Allen wrench is not a toy.

* Don't shoot at your sister with the Allen wrench.

* The counter is not for dancing on.

* Should you have shoes on your ears?

* Don't shoot at your sister with the crucifix.

And, from my friend VA, who swears she actually said this:

Don't put Jesus in the VCR.
When I wrote this, we were living two doors down from a Holiness brand of Pentecostal church, and a certain child in my household, who was much, much younger then, used to stand on the front stoop, sometimes naked, shooting at the people going to the church, using as a weapon whatever happened to be in his hand.  He is much, much older and more dignified now and would never ever ever dream of doing such a thing.

Anyway, just so you know we didn't ever go out looking for Pentecostals to terrorize. Alas for them, they came to us.

3 comments:

Karen E. said...

We just laughed out loud here over this one, Sally. Thanks. :)

Anonymous said...

You mean he gets dressed to shoot the Pentecostals now?

Bill Daugherty

Sally Thomas said...

Well, he *is* much older and more dignified.

Actually, I think he'd more or less outgrown shooting them before we moved. It is my great hope that they didn't notice anything one way or another.