Thursday, May 31, 2012

On One Manifestation of Hell

From "Waiting for Gabriel," a meditation on infertility:

. . . [S]elf-pity, while pleasant enough for a time, is both exhausting and a sure way to end up not only infertile but a narcissist.  You begin to imagine that yours is the only life full of disappointmentYours the only existence defined by sorrow.  You close off from relationships with other people . . .  as a way of protecting yourself from debilitating sorrow.  You cease praying, because the words you utter grow vapid, insipid, uninspiring.  In this way, I entered into Sheol, hell itself, cut off from the land of the living.  Something had to change.

via Eve Tushnet


Sarah said...

Thanks very much for posting this today. It was much needed - not exactly blog fodder, but we too are struggling with the same "unexplained" diagnosis. This popped up in my google reader at just the right time as another close friend announced her pregnancy yesterday.

Sally Thomas said...

I am so sorry, Sarah. Will keep you in my prayers.

Though this hasn't been my particular cross, except as part of the general getting-old package, I thought it was a powerful essay, and that this excerpt rang true about all forms of despair.